From the Desks of Allie and Chelsea: A PPC spinoff
by Allie and Chelsea
Summary: Allie and Chelsea are recruted to the PPC to get rid of all the Mary-Sues from His Dark Materials. This could get interesting...LotR chapter up! I didn't think Allie could get that confused...
1. Fate Will Never Agree With You

A/N This is the story of me, Chelsea, and my partner, Allie, in the Mary-Sue department. We take care of all those nasty Mary-Sues in His Dark Materials, and they can get pretty ugly when they think they can be better then the witches or something like that. This chapter is about how we came to be in this department, so, enjoy!

Disclaimer: We own ourselves, and even in that sense, our parents can still tell us what to do. _His Dark Materials _

belongs to the wonderful author Philip Pullman, and Jay and Acacia own PPC and anything related. We are also happy to note that we do not own the story, which belongs to Scarlet-Sword. Enjoy!

Chapter 1: Fate Will Never Agree With You

Chelsea, a soon-to-be agent in the PPC, was running with her partner, Allie, to the office of the Sunflower Official.

"Is this it?" asked Allie. They had run a long way, and gotten lost more then a few times.

"Pretty sure," said Chelsea.

"You're pretty sure?"

"Do you see any maps? That person over there said down here somewhere."

"Whatever, just go in."

They walked inside the room.

"Hello?" called Allie. "Anyone here?"

_Over here, said a voice. The two girls looked at the Sunflower Official in surprise. They thought the other agents were joking when they said he was a Sunflower!_

_You two have been assigned to the Department of Mary-Sues. Congratulations. Your job is to rid the His Dark Materials Sections of Mary-Sues._

"Yes!" said Allie. "I was hoping for that." Anyone who knew Allie knew that the His Dark Materials series was her favorite.

_Grab a pamphlet on your way out and read it. Your new room is downstairs. Good-luck. He seemed to say it with a tinge of evilness though._

"Is it just me," said Chelsea as they walked out, "or did he sound slightly evil towards the end?"

"He sounded slightly evil at the end," agreed Allie. 

"Oh good, then it wasn't just me."

They walked out of the office and downstairs, into the room in which they would spend the remainder of their time with the PPC.

"Looks comfy," said Allie. "Beanbag chair!" She ran and jumped into it.

"Yay! My CD's are already here!" Chelsea grabbed her CD player and started listening to Evanescence when. . .

_BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!_

"ARG!" screamed Chelsea, who was standing right next to the computer.

"That better not be our morning wake up call," said Allie. She got up and checked the computer. "They're starting us off easy; this fic is only a chapter long so far."

"Good," said Chelsea. "I need to get back and 'fix' the computer when we're done." Allie made a mental note to hide anything heavy, flammable, and sharp from her partner when they got back.

"What shall we be?" asked Chelsea.

"Just witches," said Allie, looking at the computer. "What kind of Dæmon do you want?" asked Allie. "I'm going to have a red fox."

"Sirius dog!" said Chelsea. Allie rolled her eyes; did she even have to ask?

"This shouldn't be too hard," Chelsea said as they walked through the portal that Allie opened. "Oh dear. . ."

_She had returned to her clan just in time. The witches were having a huge festival. As she walked into the fire-lit circle of witches, Serifina Pekkela embraced her._

_"Sabina Surstone!" She exclaimed passionately, "I'm glad you came here in time," She gave Sabina a knowing look. Sabina was always out flying just for the heck of it._

The agents hid behind a conveniently placed pillar. 

"I'm afraid to ask," muttered Chelsea as she pointed the Canon Accuracy Device at Serefina Pekkala: 59.1% CHARACTER RUPTURE!

"_Flying just for the heck of it?" One could tell just by looking at Allie's face that she already wanted this Sue to die a horrible and painful death._

"And let's see how many times the author can use her name in one paragraph!"

"Oh dear. . ."

_She descended into the dimly lit atmosphere; closed her eyes, and took a deep breath of the warm air. Tyrondelor, feeling more relaxed, turned into his favorite shape, a silver wolf._

"A silver wolf," stated Allie. "I've heard of _gray wolves, but _silver_?"_

"Uh-oh, I suddenly feel squished," said Chelsea.

"Remember to separate your paragraphs!" yelled Allie, which attracted a few stares, but not many.

_She stopped, looking at all of her clothes, which were all black, except for some purples and dark blues. She was indeed wearing her favorite outfit at the moment which was a black and purple belly top, and a black and purple skirt with her knee high purple boots._

"And what is she wearing?!" yelled Allie.

"I introduce to you the Gothic Witch!" said Chelsea, attracting a quick look from Sabina.

"You sometimes wonder if the author's even _know_ canon," muttered Allie.

"I get her clothes," said Chelsea. "I actually think they are quite cool, just not canon for a witch."

Allie rolled her eyes, "I worry for you Chelsea, and I also wonder if you've talked to Sarah at any point during this day."

"This morning."

"That explains it."

_Witches were supposed to wear all black anyway, so she would have to for the festival, which, she sill didn't know what was about._

"Do I even want to ask what this festival is about?" Allie asked dully.

"Let's just ignore it," said Chelsea, looking at the Words_. "Apparently Serififina Pekkela adopted her."_

"Who's _that?" asked Allie with a disgusted look on her face._

"Misspelled, but I think she meant Serafina Pekkala," Chelsea shook her head.

"What's the His Dark Materials equivalent of a mini-balrog?"

"No idea. Mini-Harpie?"

"Hum. . ."

_"My fair daemon, what shall you be on this fine occasion?" She asked mockingly. Tyro laughed. "I think a ferret shall fit me," They both put on stern faces, to only start laughing tree seconds later._

Chelsea frowned, "I don't get it. And I never thought people actually had a formal type of animal, if you know what I mean. And how old is she anyway? Don't Dæmon stop changing at around 13? And what the heck is a tree second? A second for a tree?"

Allie started walking towards her 'bedroom' with the red fox behind her. "She's done enough damage; I'm going to kill her now."

Chelsea ran up and grabbed her dress, "There's still one more!" she said. Allie glared at Chelsea. "Fine."

_Someone knocked on her door. "Sabina we're starting," Serifina called. Sabina straightened herself and strode out, Tyro on her shoulder. She felt a presence walk up next to her and turned to see Jared Skadi. Ruta Skadi's infamous son. Ruta standing next to him, and Serifina on her right._

"I use four word sentences. I have no depth. I failed English," mocked Chelsea.

"Since _when does __she have a _son_?" asked Allie as she glared at the group.  _

"Since Serafina Pekkala adopted that bitch," answered Chelsea.

_Jared was grim faced, and she could tell he didn't want to be here._

"Neither do we," both the agents said.

_He turned to face her and she glared at him. They had been rivals since the first day they had met. Not that she didn't like Ruta Skadi, but Jared had always tried to prove better than her. _

"A rival," said Chelsea flatly. 

"How original," Allie said sarcastically.

_He flashed her an evil grin, which she returned with an evil smirk._

And both the agents returned with odd looks. 

_They both turned to the front. The four witches were descending down into the heart of the festival, the huge bon- fire.  _

"Four!? Does that mean he's a witch too!" said Allie, horrified.  

"Oh dear. . ." said Chelsea.

"And they're going into the fire!" said Allie with a grin. "Can we watch them burn to death?"

"No Allie, we have to charge them."

"You take _all the fun out of __everything!"_

"What if I let you shoot the Mary-Sue?"

"Deal."

_Everybody silenced as they walked down the path into the center. _

"Now."

The two girls walked out from behind the pillar.

"Hello all you wonderful people!" said Chelsea with fake happiness.

Sabina looked up. "Are you here for the festival?"

"Yeah, the festival," said Allie. "And we need to see Sabina Surstone and Jared Skadi."

Both Sabina and Jared nodded and followed Allie in to Sabina's bedroom, Chelsea following shortly after she had made sure Serafina and Ruta wouldn't remember a thing.

"Sabina Surstone," started Allie, "you have been charged with being a Mary-Sue, causing character rupture, spelling Serafina Pekkala's name wrong, look it up if you don't know! Messing with the the culture and clothing of the witches, and for really pissing me off! Have fun!" She shot her with an arrow.

"Jared Skadi," started Chelsea, "you are charged with basically the same thing, except you are a Marty-Sam and, apparently, a witch, reason to kill you all in its own. Good-bye!" She also shot him with an arrow, and both the dead 'Sues Dæmon started disappearing. 

"Where do you think we should put them?" asked Allie. 

"Well, let's think," said Chelsea, "where's the best place to throw a dead Mary-Sue around here?"

"Ocean?" 

"Nice meal for the fishes tonight!" Chelsea activated a portal that opened into a spot above the ocean and shoved the dead Sues through. Then she opened another portal back to headquarters for the both of the agents. 

"That was fun," said Allie.

"The next one will be worse," said Chelsea. "Crap! I forgot to get the clothes!"

"I'm sure there'll be more like her_, _Chelsea," said Allie as she grabbed her CD player.

"I'm going to see the local repair man about this computer. Want to come?"

Allie shrugged._ "Why not?" They started wondering aimlessly around the place until they came across a door with a sign that said 'Makes-Things' on it. _

"This looks like it might help," said Chelsea; winning the 'Obvious Statement of the Year Award,' and they both walked in. "Hello? Person?"

"We need something fixed or else we won't be very happy people!" yelled Allie.

"And Allie tends to cause brain damage, so I suggest you help us," said Chelsea. 

An Asian man walked out from behind a shelf."What do you want?" he asked a little gruffly.

"Not an afternoon person are we?" asked Allie.

"We need the computer to be unloud," said Chelsea.

Allie raised an eyebrow. "Unloud?"

"Oh shut up, he knows what I'm talking about!"

"Fine," he said, "I'll come and 'fix' it later, now go away!"

"Geeze, not a people person," muttered Allie as they closed the door behind them and walked back to their room.

"Long as I don't have to deal with that damn beeping sound, I'm perfectly fine."

Allie sighed; she had a feeling that this was going to be interesting.

END

Chelsea's A/N: Mwahaha! DIE SUE! DIE! And wait until they start messing with lust objects, fear me Mary-Sue authors, FEAR ME! . . .ok, I'll stop now. 

Anywho! Obviously we're both big His Dark Materials fans, but I am also a very big Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter fan. Allie. . .not so much Lord of the Rings. But my favorite Harry Potter character is Sirius, even though he is very arrogant. Hey! No body's perfect!

I will now shut up before you all decide to call the Insane Asylum and declare that I am critically insane, Ta! (BTW, I also have another account on fanfiction.net: Ashly Potter, plug plug!)

Allie's A/N: MWAHAHAHAHAAA!!! DEATH TO THE MARY-SUES!!!! MWA HA HA HA HA! That'll teach you to mess with 'His Dark Materials'!!! **evil smirk**. . .Yeah. . . done now. . . anyways. . . I hope y'all liked our first chapter! Whoo-hoo! this was my first time ever participating in anything on PPC or Fanfiction or anything like that, so yeah. . . hope you enjoyed Chelsea's and my PPC! Yeah... and in case you hadn't realized it I'm a major fan of His Dark Materials. . . yeah well. . . I should probably stop now before you think me more insane than Chelsea. . . ttfn! ; - 


	2. Daemon Everchange

"I still say Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings are better," said Chelsea as she collapsed onto one of the beanbags she had stolen from her house and waited for the computer to beep at an inappropriate moment like it always did. It had been two weeks now since they started at the PPC, and things were becoming very routine.

"Then why aren't you there instead of here?" asked Allie as she sat next to Chelsea.

"Because then I would probably attempt to kill Bellatrix, Umbridge, and Wormtail."

"So I see. . ."

_BEEP!_

"Well," said Chelsea as she got up, "that wasn't as inappropriate as last time. At least this time I'm fully clothed." Allie tried hard not to laugh as she remembered _last time. Last time Chelsea was taking a shower and nearly killed the computer when they got back._

"Ack!" Chelsea looked at the screen, wide-eyed. "It's incomprehensible! I can't understand a word she's typing!" She put a hand to her forehead and went in search of some Bleeprin

Allie sighed and opened the portal. "Are you coming?"

"Just looking for some bleeprin. . .ah-ha!" she pulled out a bottle and ran over to Allie. "Got it." As soon as they stepped through the portal, Chelsea remembered she forgot to ask the disguises Allie had selected for them, but she soon got her answer. . .

"Allie! _What did you do!?"_

"You're my Dæmon now," Allie said with a grin as she picked up parrot-Chelsea and set her on her shoulder. "Now stay there." They blended into the shadows and watched the girl from the other side of the room.

_Shami looks out the window at the glittering snow, sighing with longing to be out in the sun. Not cooped up waiting to speak with the witch consul, sighing Shami turns on the couch to face into the lavish room._

"Well, there's the first charge right there," said Allie as she looked for the bleeprin Chelsea brought, "really bad use of grammar."

"Ok," said Chelsea, "so far we've got Shami and sighing Shami. Am I forgetting anyone?"

"Nope, I think you've got it."

_Presently the sounds of a door clicking as the knob is turned, and out walk the Consul with two other people, an elderly looking man, and a little girl. I notice the girl immediately for her bright blonde hair, blinking as her daemon changes into a large mountain cat I lock eyes with the Consul and he briefly motions for me to move into the back room, which serves as his office. I obediently enter leaving the threesome to their farewells, feeling the sharp eyes of the little girl on my back the whole time._

"Did we just go from third person to first person or something?" asked Chelsea as they both walked down the hall into the room with the Mary-Sue.

"'Randomly changing perspectives.' I'll add it to the charge list."

"Also, we seemed to have created a new species; the Deamons!"

"Actually, so far they've appeared in every fic we've been in."

"Oh yeah! Sorry; Dory memory."  

"Yeah, I know."

_"Tell me she gave you the creeps to," Shami asks Marriow standing awarded in the room._

_"Yes but those eyes see things we would probably never even think about," she answers changing into a Meadow Lark and perching respectfully on my shoulder._

"Again with the random changing perspectives!" Allie whispered so as not to attract the Sue's attention.

"And how do you stand awarded in a room?"

"I don't know. . ."

"Want to skip the meeting? It's a little boring."

"Fine with me." Allie opened a portal and stepped through onto a street next to a café where the Mary-Sue would soon appear.

"What'd we miss?" Chelsea asked. 

"Nothing much," replied Allie. "The Mary-Sue's Dæmon can still change and she's a witch. Nothing major but we can add the Dæmon thing to the charge list."

_A tall teenaged girl with thick dark hair, and darker eyes, walks over to a café with several of the Gypitan people standing in front of it. Boldly she walks up to the group smiling sweetly as she possibly can. "Can you any of you tell me who I would talk to join your party?" the girl Shami asks._

_The men look at her, smiles cross a few of their faces. "We are taking no woman on this track with us. So sorry there is no employment here for you," one of the men says._

"I thought they did take women. Or am I just confusing myself?" 

"Chelsea, you need to re-read the books."

"As soon as I'm done re-reading Lord of the Rings and re-re-re (ect.)-reading Harry Potter."

"Discworld?"

"Oh yeah! That too."

_"Please sir, I have navigation and fighting skills. I can bring my own supplies if that is the concern," Shami answers. Her daemon slipping out of her jacket, changing into her Favorite form of a large white spotted cat, and landing neatly on the ground. She smiles as the men's attention turns to her, as they sense that something is different about this girl._

"Very different, as she does not belong in the canon of the story," commented Allie dryly.

"I can kill her now if you want me to."

"What are you going to do? Peck her to death?"

"Sounds like a plan."

Allie looked at the words for any possible canon breaches from now to the end of the story and sighed, "Go ahead then."

Chelsea let out a happy squawk and dived at the 'Sue.

"Get this wretched bird off me!" Shami screamed, trying to shoo her away, but it didn't work. Allie, after watching for a few minutes, began to charge the Sue, as the out-of-character Gyptians were looking ready to come to Shami's aid

"Shami, you are charged with being a Mary-Sue, using very poor grammar, changing perspectives way too quickly for anyone to understand what you're even talking about, trying to interfere with the canon and giving me a head-ache. Now, Chelsea, stop. I have a better plan for her." An evil grin flashed across Allie's face as she opened another portal.

~*~*~

"Well that was fun," said Chelsea as she flew out of the portal and became human again with a painful meeting of the ground, Allie following behind her. 

"Oh yes, I think the Specters were very happy, though I didn't actually think that Mary-Sues had a soul." 

~*~*~

Chelsea's A/N What a great ending for our 'wonderful' Mary-Sue. I had to actually comprehend what exactly the author was saying before I wrote this. Can any of you possible decipher what she's saying? Oh well, whatever. Anyway! Hope you all liked it; next chapter will come as soon as Allie and I can get to it. TTFN, Ta Ta For Now!

Allie's A/N~ Whoohoo! Another Mary- Sue down, only about s million to go! what fun! This chap was pretty much little (emphasis on little, lol. j/k Chels) miss Chelsea's doings because she had quite a bit of time to be writing after a not-so-friendly encounter with a chair that she just happened to loose in. . . so, yeah, props to Chelsea, hope your head feels better btw. . . bye for now y'all! = D

Chelsea's 2nd A/N Oh yeah, the encounter with the chair. Well, you see, I tried to jump over the back of the chair and met the floor face first. Concussions hurt. . .ouch. . .


	3. The Return of the King'

Chelsea and Allie returned from yet another Sue who thought she could be a witch and screw up the entire trilogy by joining Lyra and Will.  
  
"I need Beeprin," Chelsea muttered as she fell onto one of the beanbag chairs.  
  
"Damn author's notes," Allie said as she went to search for her missing bleeprin bottle.  
  
"I don't see _why_ they have to change _everything_!" Chelsea yelled.  
  
"Me neither Chelsea."  
  
_[BEEEEP!]_  
  
"Aw crud, what now?" Allie checked the computer, read the message and sighed.  
  
"It's not as bad as the last one, is it?" Chelsea asked.  
  
"It's not a 'Sue....necessarily."  
  
"Oh goo-what do you mean 'necessarily'?"  
  
Allie stepped aside and let Chelsea read the message: The PPC is on Yellow Alert Status due to the upcoming event of the release of the movie _The Return of the King_. All agents are on standby alert, and may be transferred, no matter their position or universe, to the Mary Sue Lord of the Rings Division. Be prepared for the invasion of Sues into Middle Earth, and please brush up on your archery and sword fighting skills. Thank you, management.  
  
"Now," said Allie, "what exactly will we be looking for in a Lord of the Rings 'Sue?"  
  
"Aw crup!" yelled Chelsea. "The Return of the King premier! It's tomorrow! Trilogy Tuesday is showing the movie two hours early! Sue authors are gong to flock!"  
  
"And we have to help?"  
  
"Yes Allie, we have to help."  
  
"But I haven't even _finished the first movie!"  
  
"Well then my dear friend," said __Chelsea__ with a wicked smile, "we have work to do. Good news is we can kill them with the bow and arrows, so you got that down, right?"  
  
"Yes, but what do Lord of the Rings 'Sues do?"  
  
"Let me show you..."_


	4. Middle Earth, Meet Liana

A/N Besides being insane, I am also very lazy. Many apologies for the lateness of this chapter (especially since the Red Alert is long over at HQ). Well, anyway, hope you enjoy it anyway, we'll be back to the HDM continuum in the next chapter, promise!

Chapter 4: Middle Earth, Meet Liana

(Also known as the reason Allie will be terribly confused the entire chapter)

"Got the cards?"

"Check."

"Weapons?"

"Check."

"Er…anything else we'll need?"

"Done and doner," Chelsea smiled and zipped up the backpack she held. "We are good to go!"

"That's good," said Allie, who looked slightly nervous; it was one thing to go into the different Worlds in her own fandom, but it was another entirely to go to Middle Earth.

"Alrighty then," said Chelsea with a grin. "Let's go!" Chelsea typed something into the computer and stepped through the portal with Allie closely followingher.

The forest they arrived in _could_ have been real, but the trees had the acid, plasticy look of fake flowers.  The agents were more than a little disturbed by the manufactured look of the bark, and Allie especially thought that the shimmering dewdrops were a little _too _glassy.  Or fiber-glassy...

"Well, that's more then slightly odd," observed Allie. Middle Earth was different from His Dark Materials only because HDM was more futurized; other then that though, it seemed pretty similar

"And there's the Sue," muttered Chelsea as she pulled Allie behind one of the trees. Near the Sue was something that looked rather canine...or it may have been a very large cat; it was hard to tell from their angle. 

Allie looked over at Chelsea to ask her something and stopped. Ah, never mind, she thought. They were Elves, of course.

"The Sue talks to that dog for a bit and walks for a bit. Want to play cards?" Chelsea asked, afterlooking at the Words.

Allie shrugged. "Sure."

~*~

A few minutes, later, the girls heard signs of the feeble plot beginning to unfold.

The agents then watched in horror as the Sue elbowed Aragorn and then spin around and punch him in the jaw.

"I can't believe she _hurt_ Aragorn!" grumbled Allie. Allie might not have known much about the Lord of the Rings continuum, but she did know that that wasn't going to happen.

"Charge number 2: pretending to be better then a canon character," Chelsea wrote on her little pad. 

"What was charge number one?" questioned Allie. 

"Speaking the language." 

"Ah…"

_[Sue]"Listen here. I know you don't like me or know me. I've just found out I've been sent into the past, into Middle Earth, or whatever you call it. I don't know who you are and why I'm here, so could you just let me go. I've gotta find a way back home!"_

Chelsea growled and added "talking back to a canon character," to the list.  

As the story went on, Allie got more and more confused.

"Wait…" Allie stood there for a moment, slightlyconfused. "Middle Earth is the past?"

"Some people think it is," answered Chelsea, "but it would be England's past, not the US'." 

"Right…" Allie said uneasily. This was getting even more confusing.

"Which reminds me," Chelsea added "Characters telling secrets to a total stranger," on the charge list. 

"Did you run this charge list by the SO?"Allie asked, looking at the list. 

"No," muttered Chelsea, "but I have no official charge list for this fandom, so I figure it's something along these lines." Allie rolled her eyes and kept watching to seewhat the Sue would do next, waiting until Chelsea said they could kill her and go back to HQ.

_"As I was saying, my name is Gandalf the Grey. This is," motioning to TD&H(_Chelsea added 'annoying nicknames')_, "Aragorn or Strider, that is," motioning to blondie, "Legolas, he who holds your animal is Gimli. The other man is Boromir and the halflings around him are Frodo, Sam, Pippin, and Merry," motioning to the children. "Come join us at our fire. There is much explaining to do."_

"You be-!" Allie put her hand over Chelsea's mouth before they could draw any attention.

_I slowly sat down on a log, looking wearily at the rest of the men as they sat. I didn't feel to keen on sitting there, in the middle of the night, in a foreign land, with a bunch of guys I didn't know. Just dandy. _

"Wait…" Chelsea looked oddly around at the landscape, "aren't we in Rivendell?" Allie looked at Chelsea, confused**.** "Er…Rivendell?"

"Yes, Rivendell." Chelsea pointed past the group to Imaldris, which was shimmering only a few feet away. Yet, the Fellowship sat here, on logs, in a forest that shouldn't even exsist. 

_Aragorn was a man, obviously, and destined to become the king of Gondor, I think it was. Cool, I was standing in the presence of royalty! He had a "lady-love", an elf by the name of Arwen in Rivendell. Damn….I couldn't have him. _

"Ok, for the last friggn' time," Chelsea took a deep breath. "Aragorn does not go around telling random people who he is! It's not smart and not safe! AND NO YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM YOU BITCH!" Allie had to grab Chelsea, put a hand over the struggling girls' mouthand move quickly behind another tree. "How about I let you kill her," Allie whispered. Chelsea nodded vigorously. 

_I guessed I'd be the 10th member of this strange Fellowship._

At this point, the only way for Chelsea to yell out in anger once more was to let her recite 'Naturally Nine' under her breath over and over. "You shall count to nine; nine is the number of your counting. You shall not count to ten, nor to eleven. Nine is the number of the Fellowship…"

"What's with all the periods!" Allie whispered. 

"Dunno," Chelsea muttered, "the rest is crap about her world and portals and stuff. How 'bout we play War."

"Sounds good." Allie smiled and started dealing out the cards.

~*~

"No! My lovely Frodo card!" Chelsea wailed as Allie won once again. It never mattered how the cards were dealt, Chelsea always lost at War. And she was even more pissed off at the moment,  the Hobbits has snuggled up next to the Sue and the only way to vent  her frustration was toblame it on the cards.

"They're getting up," observed Allie. Chelsea happily noted that the Sue didn't seem to thrilled about sleeping on the ground, but cringed again when she heard Merry say, _"Gosh, she's a worser getting upper than we are, Pip."_

"Can't kill yet…can't kill yet…can't kill yet…" Chelsea kept telling herself as Alliesilently picked up the cards. A few additions to the charge list later(including the word "Elvin"),the Fellowship (plus one) continued with the agents following closely behind.

It wasn't until later, when the Sue asked how she'd get home, did the agents once again realizethat the Sunflower was purposefully torturing them,

_"We were just discussing that, Liana. We're not quite sure. Fangorn Forest is a very magical place, where strange things happen. Even with my magic, I cannot create a portal for you. It would be much too dangerous, in case something from your world or ours switched with you. It is difficult to explain, but we are going to Ulendiell, an Elvish wizard, who will be able to answer our questions."_

"Oh crap! Another one!?" yelled Allie; they were luckily far enough away that none of the Fellowship noticed them.

"Ulendiell?! That's a bastardized version of 'Undomiel'!" Chelsea said angrily.Allie figured now was not the best time to ask who, or what, Undomiel was.

Through the rest of the walk, Chelsea pointed the CAD at random characters to see how OOC they were. They were rather high numbers, especially for the Hobbits, Gandalf, and Aragorn; but not Legolas…yet.

From explaining designer brands to the Hobbits to calling Longbottom leaf marijuana, the Sue was becoming more and more annoying (more so to Chelsea then to Allie, who was oblivious to most everything).

When the Sue and the Hobbits hada 'group hug,' both agents felt like they would surely be sick and went to hide behind some more trees.

~*~

That night, there was an Orc attack, duringwhich the agents watched on the sidelines. 

_I, for one, was terrified. Sure I was slightly trained with the sword, but under this pressure, it all just flew out of my head. But I refused to be the Mary-Sue in this situation. _

Chelsea choked, Allie laughed. "So," said Allie, once she'd recovered, "she really thinks she's _not_ a Sue?" 

"Apparently," Chelsea answered. It was amazing what went on in Sue authors' heads sometimes. Then the agents watched as the Sue saved Frodo's life by pushing him out of the way of an Orc's arrow. 

"Not a Sue, eh?" muttered Chelsea. 

Suddenly, the agents were jerked forward and toanother place in the story (which looked oddly like Frodo's bedroom in Rivendell). After they hid, they searched for the Bleeprin. 

"I hate stories that jump like that," muttered Allie. 

Chelsea took a quick look at the Words and looked like she was about to be sick. "I hate this story…I hate this story…" 

Allie looked at the words as well. "This wizard/elf/it/whatever, I can kill it, yes?" 

"Go right ahead." So as soon as Allie killed the wizard/elf/it/whatever, they portaled to the next part of the story, where the "Fellowship" (with the now unconscious Legolas since he had earlier tried to save the Sue and was attacked by the wizard/elf/it/whatever). 

"Lookit this!" Chelsea yelled. "They're riding on descendants of Shadowfax! Shadowfax was the last one,you…arg!"

"When can we kill her?" asked Allie, who now wanted to get home as soon as possible. 

"As soon as she kisses Legolas," muttered Chelsea. "Cards?"

~*~

"Chelsea, you need to stop doing this to yourself," Allie said gleefully as she took the last of the cards in the deck. It is nearly impossiblefor one to actually fully win when you're playing War, except when you're playing with Chelsea."I'll beat you one of these days, Vandarveen, you know I will!" 

Allie rolled her eyes**. **"I'm sure you will, Miller. And why are we calling each other by our last names?" 

Chelsea shrugged. 

It was then that Legolas stirred and the Sue immediately went to his side. "If you'll excuse me," Chelsea got up and grabbed a bow and arrows, "I'll be searching for a good place to fully scare the crap out of the Sue when I jump out as this scene takes place because I fear that if I don't occupy myself I'll drown in the sheer sappyness. Would you like to come?" 

Allie shrugged**. **"Sure."

So as the entire 'romantic' scene played out (with Chelsea complaining that she was drowning in sappyness and that it was sticky), the agents found a good place to stage their ambush.

The agents watched as the Sue drew close to the elf.  "Legolas..."  

He leaned closer to her, and Allie was interested to see that she pushed him away.  "But I thought she _wanted_ him!" she whispered to Chelsea, who ground her teeth. 

"Do you take pleasure in my pain?"

"Only when I have no idea what's going on, therefore I _can_ take pleasure."

"Ah."

The Sue, meanwhile, was still rather amateurishly playing hard-to-get.  "Legolas, I'm sorry," she whispered, "I can't."

"Damn right you can't," said Chelsea as she came out with her bow drawn. "Liana, you are charged with…well, a lot of stuff, but mostly sending the entire Fellowship of the Ring out of character, making them tell you things that they know they should keep to themselves, speaking the language, putting a forest next to Rivendell, turning Legolas into a hopeless Romantic, hitting Aragorn, hitting _on_ Aragorn (which you didn't really do but we wouldn't put it past you), being sappy, being angsty, having a 'group hug', making Merry say…whatever it was you made him say, and we're sure there's more, but I'm getting tired. You're basically charged with being a Mary-Sue and making me so angry that I think I'll take my frustration out on the computer or the Sunflower later, bye!" And Chelsea shot Liana. 

Legolas sat there for a minute, blinked, then growled, "Another one?" 

"Yep, sorry, see ya!" and with that, Allie and Chelsea disappeared.

~*~

"If I never kill a Middle Earth Sue again it'll be too soon," muttered Allie.

"Oh, and we didn't even get to the best part!" Chelsea said grinning, looking at the computer.

"And _what_ exactly was _that_?" growled Allie.

"When she called Saruman 'Sarumon,'" Chelsea said. "I am Sar-u-mon! I come from Ja-ma-ca! Bermuda, Bahamas! Come on pretty momma!" That earned her a quick pillow to the head.

~*~

Chelsea's A/N Oh! That was fun! Though quite painful…well, I already have a few ficcys for the next few chapters, so…yeah…hope you enjoyed this!

**FFeathers****' (our beta)A/N:  Again, lots of apologies for lateness.  It was _almost_ done a week ago, but then we went on vacation.  I enjoyed this one.  Despite Allie's reluctance, I hope you two go back to Middle-Earth soon.  ^__^;; **


End file.
